Disappointment

Today, for the first time that I remember, I experienced something new and in all honesty, something horrible.

Disappointment!!

Now I am no stranger to disappointment, as nearly every honest adult would admit about themselves. The disappointment I experienced today was of a completely new and unique type though. Today, I saw my son’s disappointment, and it was mostly aimed at me. Let me explain.

He came home from school with a small goodie bag and an invitation to a friend from school’s birthday party. My first mistake was not opening it up right then to see when the party was.

Around 5:30 pm or so, he came to me wearing his 'fancy clothes' and informed me (with a fair bit or urgency in his voice) that we needed to get going. I asked him where. “To the birthday party!!”

It was at this point that I am sure a look of surprise and mild terror crossed my face.

I quickly ran to his school bag and opened the above mentioned party invitation. 5-7 pm, today. Stink!!! And the place was a 45 minute drive away at the least at this time of night, let alone a very fast stop for a present of some kind, etc. By the time we would have gotten there it would have all been long over with.

I tried my best to explain to my son that we just simply would not be able to go. His response was categorically different than normal. He did not try to argue, and he did not throw a fit. He just said very enthusiastically “Then we just have to drive (making steering motions with his hands) REALLY fast then.” He tried several varieties of this line of motivating me to get going.

I told him I was sorry, but it just would not work. I asked him if he was ok and he sadly said yes. I then asked him if he was disappointed. “Yes.” And then a sniffle and pouty eyes. Not the manipulative pouty eyes. The real deal.

I picked him up and held him and he laid his head on my shoulder and lightly whimpered for a minute. My heart was torn in two by this. While I had every excuse in the book to justify my oversight on the party timing/date, I knew none of them would mean snot to him. And rightly so. Dad had blown it. Plain and simple.

Thankfully young kids get over such things quickly. Later in the evening we were rebuilding Lego helicopters and watching a show on tv together as if nothing had happened.

Somehow I think my heart is going to take a lot longer to heal though. I won’t soon forget that look on his face when he realized his daddy had blown it and cost him the chance to go to a party. I hope I never feel/see that again.