Different Perspective

I came across a rather interesting couple of sentences today that made me think about the possible differences of perspective in the situation, depending on whose shoes you were in. The statement was on a package of smoked salmon (a gift from some of our NW friends, thank you very much) that is marketed as being from a First Nations Tribe. It read something like this:

“The first salmon to return from the saltwater sea to the freshwater streams – a Spring Chinook – is caught and ceremonially brought to the village. There its flesh is meticulously removed from its bones and eaten and shared with everyone in the village. Afterwards, the bones of the fish are returned to the river with equal ceremony and placed into the river facing the same direction, in hopes that the fish will tell his brothers and sisters of the great treatment it was given in the village and bring more of them to the area.”

My first thought – YOU ATE IT!!! What kind of idiot fish is going to send his siblings to you to have their flesh picked from the bones?

After putting my cultural glasses on, however, there is likely more to the story. The respect afforded to the fish, being brought with great ceremony, and the likely detailed process of removing every scrap of flesh from its bones (so as not to waste even one bit) and then being shared by all, these all speak of great traditions and great awareness of history and our fragility in this world as well as the fact that we are all in this together and need each other.

This is not the image of a massive commercial net being dragged through the water, pulling every living thing over a certain size out of its norm, and often discarding or destroying things in the process that we deem invaluable or not what we were after.

This is not a rail on the waste we can so easily see in so many different ways in the world. That is not my style. No, in fact, this is a call to consider how something that at first seems so odd or crazy, might actually have some real value. Consider the lessons taught by the village elders each year as they repeated this process. Think of the depth of tradition and reinforcement this made in the young men and women in this tribe. There is value in that. It was not only the pragmatic issue of feeding the village. It was about much more.

Of course, all of that said, it would still stink to be the fish! Rich depth of tradition and culture or not, it would not be a good day when you get the flesh picked from your bones.

It still ain't right, but it is getting better

Some time ago I wrote about a situation that had me amped up, and quite honestly hurt more than anything. In the last few weeks we had the chance to address some of that. Truth be told there was more than one situation in a very short period of time that fit the description I wrote originally.

As we talked through, face to face, and brutally honestly at times, with the people who had hurt us, we were reminded once again of the fragility of human communication and relationship. It is amazing to me that any real, healthy relationships occur at all. Of course the theologian in me says this is a problem of our sinful nature. We are no longer exactly as God intended us to be, so how can we do things right. But still, God being who He is, made us in such a way that we have tremendous faculties about us that allow us to learn and grow and develop. So why have we not figured out this relational thing yet?

As we talked with our ‘offenders’ we found out what we suspected all along, and likely knew deep in our hearts. They had not tried to hurt us, nor were they aware of the hurts they had caused. But it still hurts. So then the question comes up about what to do about it. To what detail do we dive into this in terms of specifics. For some, simply knowing there were issues was enough to cause them to rethink how they do things and how they say things. For others, they wanted to know specific details so they could avoid those in the future. We all are wired differently.

In the end, all is not right, at least not yet. But there is hope. Relationships takes time to heal. On our part, we try to remain open, as vulnerable as we can reasonably be for now, and giving feedback as we are able to try to bring healing to the relationships affected. We also had to examine what our role is/was in these situations, and how not speaking up sooner allowed the hurt to compile. We will do better in the future.

So bring on the healing, and let healthy relationships abound.

Cared For

This last week was a good one in a certain way. As a family we have been facing some struggles and needed some caring for. We got it, and in a way that we all admitted was just what we needed. Let me explain.

We had to travel as a family to the US for some meetings with our partner organizations. We were not looking forward to the kids missing school and unsure of what to do with them during the long days while we were both in our meetings. Our families stepped in and offered to be there with us to look after the kids for us. How this worked itself out was a real comfort to us.

It began with my mother-in-law, who used her frequent flier miles and flew in to the city we were to have our meetings in. She timed her flight to arrive around the same time as us, so we all met up in the airport and proceeded to our hotel together. We arrived a day early in order to get over jet lag and spend some time together. We spent the day shopping and eating meals out and generally just doing whatever we wanted to.

As our meetings began the next day, my m-i-l did a fantastic job of looking after the kids so we could concentrate on our work there. We did not need to worry at all. She did a great job of releasing that concern from us.

On Tuesday of that week she went with the kids to the airport to pick up my mom, sister and nephew, who were flying in to town (again on frequent flier tickets) to take over caring for our kids for the second half of the week. Later that night she went back home to return to work.

My mom, sister and nephew did a great job of taking charge of the kids and doing whatever needed to be done, including going way above and beyond by tracking down a missing package we needed to get a hold of to bring back to one of our colleagues here in India as well as doing several loads of laundry that we had not had time to take care of. The kids had a ball, and got to do lots of fun things with Grandma, their Aunt and their Cousin. Fun times were had by all, and once again, all done in a way that took the stress away from that part for us.

As we left on Friday to go to another city, my m-i-l happened to be going to that city for her work, so she once again timed her flight to arrive near ours. We spent a good part of the day Saturday shopping some more, eating family favorites and just being together. Sunday she helped bring my wife and kids to the airport too (while I was in a meeting again) and got them on their way home to India.

As we reflected on how all of this worked itself out, we realized they each of our family members had stepped in and done an extraordinary job in trying to help us in very real, practical ways, that demonstrated their love for us. They were selfless in making our needs their priority for the week. This made a remarkable difference in our week and in our ability to be a part of what we were there to do.

So here’s a word of deepest thanks to my m-i-l, my mom, my sister and my nephew. You touched our family in ways you likely don’t know, but we are so very thankful for that, and even more so, thankful for the families God made us a part of.

Really Good Engineering

On my way home from my son’s bus stop today, I discovered some really good engineering on our new car.

Traffic was really piled up for some reason, and there was just enough room for me to slip past a truck that was in the middle of it all. Once past the truck it was going to be clear road ahead. As I inched my way beside the truck he apparently decided to move over, either to prevent me from passing him or in an effort to get himself unstuck. It felt like the former more than the latter.

As he moved over, he now had me stuck with my side-view mirror basically wedged against his truck. My only option was to turn more myself to disentangle our two vehicles. As I did that, I heard a pretty horrible crunching, grinding sound, and knew I had hit the cement block sitting beside the road that I knew I was close to. I feared the worst – a significantly damaged side step that would require replacement and who knows how much other damage.

I extricated myself from the traffic jam and headed to a nearby gas station, since I needed diesel anyways. I got out of the car and went to inspect the damage. Shockingly, there were no visible signs at all of any damage.

I have determined that this lack of damage is due to one of two factors. Option one - they designed the side step so well that it is nearly indestructible. Option two - they designed the side step in such a way that any contact whatsoever reverberates (and possibly amplifies) the crunching/grinding sound directly into the passenger cabin, so as to cause the driver to stop doing whatever it is that is making said contact.

Since very few things here are made to be that tough or indestructible, I am currently leaning toward believing it is option two that is the more likely. Either way, that is some good engineering.