Keeping up

My brother-in-law has a new feature on his blog about the total number of driveway shovels he has had to do this winter season. Not to be outdone, I have decided that I will occassionally offer an update on the same thing. As of today, December 29th, 2006, I have had to shovel our driveway zero times.

Total Driveway Shovels: 0

Somehow I suspect that number will not change much in the foreseeable future. This is due to several factors. One, we live in a place where the coldest it ever gets is somehwere in the high 50s or very low 60s. Two, we live in an apartment building, on the 5th floor, and therefore we have no driveway. Three, we live in a country where labor is so cheap for things like this that I would be considered a fool by locals to do such a thing myself, since I could pay someone pennies to do it for me. Four, if it ever did snow here, shoveling the driveway would be the least of my worries, since I would need to be more concerned with joining the herds for the great migration south to avoid the coming ice age.

But, nonetheless, I will periodically keep you updated on the number of times I have had to shovel the driveway.

A boy named Sue

OK, I took a little liberty. It should really be a boy named Su.

Got to go to a friend’s wedding tonight. His name is Sushanta. I have known him for several years now as we have worked together in the training programs, as well as through personal interactions in our home, etc.

Sushanta is a great guy. He is really turning into quite a man. It was a real joy to see how God has chosen to bless him with a beautiful bride who, according to those who gave testimony about her, is a real gem of a girl. I look forward to getting to know her a bit in the future.

So here’s to you, boy named Su. Congratulations!! And best wishes for a long, happy and blessed marriage.

The best reactions

With two kids, ages 5 and 3, it is fun as a parent to scheme and find things you are pretty sure they will love to open on Christmas. This year was like that for us.

About 10 days before Christmas we were out shopping for boring stuff like food, etc., not presents. My son and I were charged with buying a Christmas star (a tradition here among believers) to put up at our house. We wondered across the street to a shop that had a good display. While we were in the shop I was talking to the shopkeeper about options for stars, lights, etc. I felt a gentle tug on my shirt sleeve and looked down to see my son, eyes fixed in one direction, staring at something on the counter. His only words, said with a mix of pleading and a little bit of awe, were “Daddy, can we?” He never even looked at me, just kept staring at whatever it was that he was so interested in.

I looked to where he appeared to be gazing and quickly realized what had caught his attention. It was a giant airplane. Giant compared to anything he had ever seen. It was a 747 plastic model, with a wingspan of about two and a half feet. I causally asked the shopkeeper how much the plane was, and he told me. Roughly $8.

We left the store without the plane and walked across the street to the car. As we got in, my son once again asked. “Daddy, I can sit here SOOOOOO nicely and you can go get that airplane for me, right?” He was truly intrigued by that plane. I went back a few days later and bought it, hiding it in the bedroom to keep for Christmas.

My wife had a similar interaction with our daughter. While at a shop looking for a few things she saw a strawberry shaped pillow that caught her eye. Several visits to that shop all elicited the same response. There was begging, there were moments of disappointment at leaving without it. All of that was about to change.

Christmas Eve we have a tradition of opening one gift. My son’s gift that night was his new airplane. He opened it, and immediately began tearing open the box and in record time he had it assembled and was flying/driving it around the room. His grin was priceless. His joy was unashamed.

My daughter’s reaction was even better in some ways. When she opened the pillow there were two immediate responses. First, a squeal of glee that brought a smile to our faces. That was quickly followed by her taking off in a dead run, one of her totally out of control, on the verge of falling with every step, kind of runs, into her bedroom, squealing all the way. She was desperate to put that pillow on her bed where it belonged. She too, could not contain her joy.

I love moments like that, where you see someone whose dream has been fulfilled, whose wish has been granted. The kind of reaction that knows no shame, that has no filters on it. If only we adults could remember what that is like. To feel total joy at something as simple as a pillow or a plastic airplane.

Do you have any times when you felt that way? So happy you just wanted to scream. So full of joy you simply could not contain yourself. I’d love to hear about it.

A proud parenting moment

Today was a good day. Not only being the day before Christmas, but also a proud parenting moment or two. Our church here gives out prizes the Sunday before Christmas for Sunday School for the children. There are two categories. One is for perfect attendance during the year, and one is for an exam they conduct a few weeks earlier. No idea what is included in the exam, but there is apparently an exam.

This year, both of our kids got perfect attendance prizes. They were, much to our surprise, the only kids in the younger age group to receive this prize. They both ran up to the front to receive their ‘Champions’ (what they call a trophy or plaque) from one of the church elders. Huge grins covered their faces as the whole church clapped for them.




Then just a moment or two later, it was time for the prizes for the exam. My son got third prize for the exam in the younger age group. He again quickly ran to the front to receive his ‘Champion’ from the church elder, again beaming with joy that the whole church was clapping for him. He ran back and proudly held on to his two ‘Champions’.

As parents we cherish these times. There are many times where you wonder if you are making a total mess of your kids, or if anything you are trying to teach them or train them in is really sinking in. And then times like this come, where you can enjoy, even just for a minute, the joy of seeing your child revel in the realization that they did something good, and others appreciated them for it.

Makes me wonder if kids need to be getting more ‘Champions’ more often to encourage them in the things they do right. And there is little doubt that we need to be clapping for our kids more often than we do.

Make it easy

This month has been a month of voracious reading. So far 5 books. I go in spurts like this, but try to always be reading something. Part of my life-long learner intention.

In one of my recent reads there was a chapter about the importance of assessing, as a leader, why someone was not able to perform the way they were expected to. Was it a motivation problem or an ability problem? Good question to ask. It then followed that chapter with a chapter about helping people succeed by making it easy for them to accomplish what is needed.

Make it easy for them? I have to admit my first reaction was “What a crock!” Make it easy in my mind meant lower the expectation. If a person could not perform up to par, lower that expectation to make it easier for them to succeed. So, based on that idea, the person’s feeling of success (meeting the lower expectation) was more important that actually accomplishing what is really needed (the higher expectation).

That got me to thinking, what would things be like if God did that? Be holy? I can’t quite do that, but would being mostly good most of the time be sufficient? Lowering the expectation is not the answer. I have to admit that I nearly put the book down at this point. But I kept reading. I am glad I did.

As I read on I realized that the main point was not to lower the expectation, but to work toward removing any obstacles to the person accomplishing the expected outcome. If they are not motivated, work toward removing any obstacles to them being motivated. If they are not able, work toward removing anything in the way of them being able.

This was starting to resonate more with me. Remove obstacles to people’s success. A good role for a leader to have. In fact, back to the God part, is that not exactly what He did? If His expectation is Holiness, and we can not meet that because we are sinful, then He needed to provide a way to remove that obstacle to us succeeding in being Holy. And He did – through His son Jesus Christ. He did not lower the expectation, but he made a provision to remove the obstacle.

What a perfect time of year to be learning this. As we celebrate the birth of Christ, it is good to remember that God was beginning to remove the obstacle to our success in being Holy people through the birth of His son Jesus.

Thanks God for helping us to succeed by removing the obstacles to our success!

Do you have any examples of when a leader you worked with/for did well with removing obstacles to your success?

Ten years plus a lot more

Yesterday was our 10th anniversary. Hard to believe it was that long ago that we got married, and in other ways it seems like we have done and seen so much in that time. 9 of those anniversaries have been spent here in India.

It was also my birthday. I am a LOT older than 10, hence the ‘plus a lot more’ in the title.

This year we decided to get away for a night with just the two of us. My wife made me a great breakfast in bed that morning with chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and a chocolate covered donut. The kids joined me in bed for that part. Anything involving chocolate and they are in.

Then we took the kids to school together and went off to the gym, where I got a massage while she worked out. She is much more motivated than me to work out every day. After our daughter got done with school we picked her up and brought her home and left shortly after that to check in to a local hotel.

We had arranged for some friends of ours to stay with the kids and take care of getting them to/from school, dressed, fed, to bed, etc. The kids normally do quite well with these situations, or at least that is what people tell us.

We left our cell phones turned off and had a backup phone on with only one person, one of the two looking after the kids, who had that number. No one else knew where we were or how to reach us.

We got to the hotel, checked in and promptly ordered room service for lunch. This is my wife’s favorite part of staying in a hotel. We ate like kings and then decided to read books for a while and eventually nodded off for a nearly 3 hour nap. Outstanding!!

We rested for a while more, got dressed and went downstairs to one of our favorite restaurants and had a great dinner of north indian kabobs and breads. It was as spectacular as it always is. This is one of our ‘special treat’ places that we love to go to, but can’t very often due to the cost so we enjoyed it to the fullest.

We again ate like kings and were totally stuffed by the end – when they brought us a complimentary cake (yes, a whole cake) for our anniversary. This was, in fact, the second cake we had gotten so far. We ate one bite each to be polite and asked to have the rest to bring to the room.

We rested the remainder of the night, trying to convince our full stomachs not to grumble too much. By about 10:30 or 11:00 we were off to sleep. Finally around 8:30 the next morning we conceded defeat and got up to have some breakfast – again room service as per my wife’s wishes.

We lounged around some more, read some more books and magazines, watched a little tv, and just took it easy. We eventually wandered down to the poolside and sat and read some more, my wife took a couple of quick dips in the pool and got some sun.

Finally we headed upstairs to get dressed for lunch and then checkout and go home. We had arranged for a late checkout at 2 pm instead of noon as they usually require. By 1:50 our bags were packed, and we headed off to pay the bill.

An incredible day of just being together, relaxing, resting, reading and eating till we were way beyond full. Glorious! What a great indulgent treat for both of us. We really must do this kind of thing more often. Somehow I doubt we would get bored with doing it simply because we could not afford to do it 'too often'. But boy was it a nice treat.

Negotiations gone bad

Our daughter is a great source of laughter to us sometimes. She is brave, bordering on fearless, has a totally care-free desire to live large and play hard. She does everything full throttle. I have often said she will be the first of our two kids to call us one fine day and say "Dad, Mom, guess what I just did? I went to space!" (Going to space, btw, is what I think the next bungy-jumping-like craze is going to be and she is just at the right age to catch it early.)

Tonight her full throttle life caught up with her while we were negotiating how much more pizza she was going to have to eat before she could go back to playing. She began with one bite more, then we went to three bites, and while she thought about it briefly we then suggested four, and before she could think about it she blurted out "No, Five!!" That was readily agreed to by her and us, and she chomped down five more bites. She has no idea she just negotiated her way from one bite more to five bites more, but she felt good about the fact that we agreed with her offer. So I guess it is not so much a case of bad negotiations, but more that we did not understand the values at play in those negotiations.

However, remind me not to have her negotiate the price of my next major pruchase, whatever that might be.

Decision making

The other day I had the joy of teaching a class on decision making to a group of nearly 60 future and developing leaders with our partner organization here.

One of the steps that we talk about in making decisions is determining a clear statement of what 'problem' needs a decision. Without understanding the problem it will be hard to make a good decision.

I was reminded of a quote that I have no idea where it came from, but still strikes me as significant when it comes to making decisions and to leadership in general. It goes like this:

"There is nothing as useless as the right answer to the wrong problem."

One of the examples I use in this vein is something like 'It is like me giving you a math problem like 2+(blank)= 10. Do you agree or not? Is that the right answer? Without out knowing what value goes into the blank there is no way for you to know if the answer is in fact 10 or not. We must know and understand what problem we are trying to solve before we can ever know if we have the right answer or not.'

I think many times in our lives we think we are giving the right answer, when in fact that may be true, but unfortunately we are answering the wrong question or problem.